I watched as it was formed. Peeking out as a bud, then uncurling. I meditated to it's newborn green form waving into life. It darkened over summer to deep green - feeding its mother tree, feeding our earth with oxygen....that tulip leaf outside my bedroom window.
Of course, it wasn't alone! It had a twin that shared its tiny branch, and the entire tree was covered with these shapely leaves. But it was that one I remembered each day - to look for - to settle into.
One day, as I watched out my window, trying to lift my spirits....it was a blue day and I didn't want to be down, but I was. I looked out across the expanse toward the grotto just under the ridge of the mountain. That day, it just didn't ease the dis-ease. Negative thoughts kept intruding on lighter ones and I gave up on lifting myself. It was going to be one of those days.
Then I saw it - that tulip leaf - out of the corner of my eye. Almost jumping as if in excitement! Swinging, vibrantly waving back and forth. Was it trying to catch my attention? How could a leaf jump and move in such circles while it's twin remained so still? That tulip leaf I saw come into life, I thought - I could hear it - HAPPY - HAPPY - Joy, Joy, Joy. And I smiled. There is no way you can look at such excitement, such.... JOY and not smile. Sunlight filled the window view, green was very green, yellow oh so yellow. And life was good. Life was joy.
The days became cooler. My favorite season; autumn. I knew the tulip leaf was going to let go - someday. First, it's twin turned yellow, then brown about it's edges. But THE tulip leaf remained unchanged. Whipping around each morning, as if just being busy living and giving life. One day, it's twin was gone. Still, tulip leaf danced on the wind.
Week before last, it turned yellow. It still waved and spun around, but I knew it was no longer feeding it's mother. Some day, I'll look out and it won't be there anymore, I thought. I wondered how I would feel. Last week I left the monastery for several days. Would it still be there when I returned? Many of the other leaves on the tree were dark brown - still clinging to branches even though well past it's time of life. Not even the wind could separate some of those leaves from their attachment. Maybe my tulip leaf would do the same.
I returned at night and although I turned off the lights in my room, it was a black void across the expanse out there. Next morning I went to prayer before the sun gave me enough light to make out shapes beyond tree branches. When I returned to my room, I hopped onto the bed and looked out. The branch was empty. The tulip leaf had let go...while I was gone...while it was yellow...still bright and I know, while still full of joy.
Showing posts with label monastery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label monastery. Show all posts
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Birthing Angels
HUH? Did I say that? Good ole Campbell has lost it this time - LOL...or perhaps you are not surprised at all. Perhaps I should not be surprised, either! That, I am exploring the reality of birthing angels! YES! If one thinks about it, isn't it hinted at time and again? Oh dear, my Bible study part isn't the best...and so I AM leaning on a bit of passed information and sort-of-remembered passages. However, recently I stumbled upon the most amazing book - on the Kabbalah. It is fairly complex, but I sat --- absorbed -- and amazed at what I was reading!
I am going to play a bit unfair, here. I have not finished the book! And, I have several more on the Kabbalah to read before I jump right out there and say - YES - WE give birth to angels! And we also birth evil.
But think about it for a few minutes, and it could make perfect sense to you...."sense" where there are not any....that feeling you get inside your bones, inside your DNA that tells you something. A place the "modern church" has turned its back on, except through ritual. Really...try heading to a priest and tell them you talked to a couple of trees yesterday. The response will NOT be positive. It will be a veiled attempt to NOT tell you that it is inappropriate, but rather to "spiritually guide" you into doubting yourself. Gently. The nice ones do it very gently.
Tell Saint Frances about this!
But, you know, don't you? About that place? Don't you? Faith comes from there. Those hmmmm, little feelings that are new to you and come at the most surprising times, OR perhaps in worship, or when looking at nature's total beauty. That little feeling coming from deep inside...how did it get there and where does it go? IF you are one to believe in "cause and effect" then even those bits of energy are spreading out and??? what? This is the largest hint I will give you regarding the birth of an angel. And, if your heart has never pushed against your rib cage when looking at a newborn, or a mountain range, then I agree that you may not understand what I am talking about. Unfortunately, the "church" no longer understands it. Ritual (symbol) has lost it meaning beyond the word "devotion." Touching that "thin space" and stepping through the veil no longer happens - according to the attitudes of today.
WHY was it NOT inappropriate for Frances, Teresa of Avila, Julian of Norwich, Hildegard of Bingen and so so many others to have "these experiences?" Did someone get out the word that "it" does not happen any longer?
Might sound as if I am very off topic, but am I too far off? Do you have a difficult time imagining that you COULD birth an angel ...because??? What influences has there been in your life to cause you to immediately doubt?
Well, I am not going to let it all out here -- HOW we birth angels. That will come later. To be continued....
As for that other subject - talking with trees - or birds, or the sky, or "things," if you read the great saints, if you read the awesome contemplatives of the past, there should be no doubt that such a thing is possible. After all - Jesus talked with God all the time.... and if you say, "Well, he is the Son of God," (as if we are not the children of God, as well!), then what's with Moses and the prophets?
.....to be continued.....
I am going to play a bit unfair, here. I have not finished the book! And, I have several more on the Kabbalah to read before I jump right out there and say - YES - WE give birth to angels! And we also birth evil.
But think about it for a few minutes, and it could make perfect sense to you...."sense" where there are not any....that feeling you get inside your bones, inside your DNA that tells you something. A place the "modern church" has turned its back on, except through ritual. Really...try heading to a priest and tell them you talked to a couple of trees yesterday. The response will NOT be positive. It will be a veiled attempt to NOT tell you that it is inappropriate, but rather to "spiritually guide" you into doubting yourself. Gently. The nice ones do it very gently.
Tell Saint Frances about this!
But, you know, don't you? About that place? Don't you? Faith comes from there. Those hmmmm, little feelings that are new to you and come at the most surprising times, OR perhaps in worship, or when looking at nature's total beauty. That little feeling coming from deep inside...how did it get there and where does it go? IF you are one to believe in "cause and effect" then even those bits of energy are spreading out and??? what? This is the largest hint I will give you regarding the birth of an angel. And, if your heart has never pushed against your rib cage when looking at a newborn, or a mountain range, then I agree that you may not understand what I am talking about. Unfortunately, the "church" no longer understands it. Ritual (symbol) has lost it meaning beyond the word "devotion." Touching that "thin space" and stepping through the veil no longer happens - according to the attitudes of today.
WHY was it NOT inappropriate for Frances, Teresa of Avila, Julian of Norwich, Hildegard of Bingen and so so many others to have "these experiences?" Did someone get out the word that "it" does not happen any longer?
Might sound as if I am very off topic, but am I too far off? Do you have a difficult time imagining that you COULD birth an angel ...because??? What influences has there been in your life to cause you to immediately doubt?
Well, I am not going to let it all out here -- HOW we birth angels. That will come later. To be continued....
As for that other subject - talking with trees - or birds, or the sky, or "things," if you read the great saints, if you read the awesome contemplatives of the past, there should be no doubt that such a thing is possible. After all - Jesus talked with God all the time.... and if you say, "Well, he is the Son of God," (as if we are not the children of God, as well!), then what's with Moses and the prophets?
.....to be continued.....
Friday, December 3, 2010
Holidays & Holy Days
As usual, a lot has been going on. Looks like I had to head to a monastery to find my days so full. AND, I've put more miles on my car than in its 9 year life with me! Go figure! But, it's all "good work" to me, and I have never felt more satifisfed with my life than at this moment.
Saturday, we had the Greening of the Chapel. We spent the day collecting ivy, holly, and greens from the property. Some made wreaths while others snipped the holly leaves from bushes. Others cleaned which I thought was rather amusing since I knew what would happen as soon as the service started! And what a special service it was! Someone read a meditation, then we would begin to sing (I played the organ!) as people began to hang the branch cuttings from light fixtures - then another meditation, singing as we hung the wreaths all around the 8-sided chapel. The last is the most dramatic -- another meditation, then singing as people went to the open second floor and began to drop the ivy over the side.
TRANSFORMED! The Chapel is beautiful, and smells beautiful, too. It is officially Advent. Our chants are in candlelight....
We drew names and our stockings are hung with care... in the causeway from the main building to the Chapel. I check mine each day to see if my Secret Santa has dropped a surprise in there! I am very lucky - whoever it is KNOWS me. Oh yes, it is usually purple! Each evening before we eat, a meditation is read, and we stand for a few minutes to consider it. Yesterday, it was about the 4 Nuns that were raped, tortured, and then murdered 30 years ago in El Salvador. One of them was just 2 weeks younger than me.
Thankfulness - mainly, this is a season to be thankful... for me, anyway. I am surrounded by prayer, love and support - laughter, jokes and teasing.
Not to say I've found heaven on earth. Someone told me that religious enter a monastery with their personality, and they keep that personality. This is obvious in a few cases!! However, I don't buy that fully, as some have changed with love and encouragement just since I've been here. I pray that my heart will also learn to open as wide as it can - in order to be who I was meant to be on this earth. This is the goal that brought me to the mountain, and one I reach out for every single day.
I am the lucky one. I wonder how many try to be all they can be - and are beat down by the "season of Joy," media, those personalities that seem not to be able to take a breath without something demeaning passing their lips. And don't you just love it when they then turn and tell you how they live lives that are far reaching? We all know that deep down they are in such pain.
I haven't mentioned Jesus Christ once! Amazing, isn't it? Bet you thought this entry would be full of "the baby Jesus is about to be born." Well, we all know that, and like you - I wait for that blessed moment of celebration. However, I try very hard to remember that Jesus is my living example every day of the year. I grew so weary of going through the motions of being a Christian, and decided to walk it. Holidays and Holy Days are nice - but I really don't think Jesus had that in mind when he was living. These are human constucts that at one time, and in some other places, were meant to bring us closer to God and to the man who lived a life of example. He was a religious - and lived to be what he was meant to be.
My prayer for all of you is that you will spend this Holiday/Holy Days thinking about what it would take for you to set yourself free. What a gift under the tree that would be.
Saturday, we had the Greening of the Chapel. We spent the day collecting ivy, holly, and greens from the property. Some made wreaths while others snipped the holly leaves from bushes. Others cleaned which I thought was rather amusing since I knew what would happen as soon as the service started! And what a special service it was! Someone read a meditation, then we would begin to sing (I played the organ!) as people began to hang the branch cuttings from light fixtures - then another meditation, singing as we hung the wreaths all around the 8-sided chapel. The last is the most dramatic -- another meditation, then singing as people went to the open second floor and began to drop the ivy over the side.
TRANSFORMED! The Chapel is beautiful, and smells beautiful, too. It is officially Advent. Our chants are in candlelight....
We drew names and our stockings are hung with care... in the causeway from the main building to the Chapel. I check mine each day to see if my Secret Santa has dropped a surprise in there! I am very lucky - whoever it is KNOWS me. Oh yes, it is usually purple! Each evening before we eat, a meditation is read, and we stand for a few minutes to consider it. Yesterday, it was about the 4 Nuns that were raped, tortured, and then murdered 30 years ago in El Salvador. One of them was just 2 weeks younger than me.
Thankfulness - mainly, this is a season to be thankful... for me, anyway. I am surrounded by prayer, love and support - laughter, jokes and teasing.
Not to say I've found heaven on earth. Someone told me that religious enter a monastery with their personality, and they keep that personality. This is obvious in a few cases!! However, I don't buy that fully, as some have changed with love and encouragement just since I've been here. I pray that my heart will also learn to open as wide as it can - in order to be who I was meant to be on this earth. This is the goal that brought me to the mountain, and one I reach out for every single day.
I am the lucky one. I wonder how many try to be all they can be - and are beat down by the "season of Joy," media, those personalities that seem not to be able to take a breath without something demeaning passing their lips. And don't you just love it when they then turn and tell you how they live lives that are far reaching? We all know that deep down they are in such pain.
I haven't mentioned Jesus Christ once! Amazing, isn't it? Bet you thought this entry would be full of "the baby Jesus is about to be born." Well, we all know that, and like you - I wait for that blessed moment of celebration. However, I try very hard to remember that Jesus is my living example every day of the year. I grew so weary of going through the motions of being a Christian, and decided to walk it. Holidays and Holy Days are nice - but I really don't think Jesus had that in mind when he was living. These are human constucts that at one time, and in some other places, were meant to bring us closer to God and to the man who lived a life of example. He was a religious - and lived to be what he was meant to be.
My prayer for all of you is that you will spend this Holiday/Holy Days thinking about what it would take for you to set yourself free. What a gift under the tree that would be.
Monday, August 23, 2010
It's Time For The Nuts and The Bolts
For those of you that are tapping that foot -- ticking those fingertips against the keyboard thinking out loud, "WHEN is she going to tell me what goes ON in there?," I thought I would get that out of the way. After all, I did promise to let people know what it is like to enter a monastery!
So, I will start with the basics -- like the schedule. I am one to seek the life of a religious, however, I am NOT a person who would fit behind walls and a lifetime of silence. The closer I've come to God, the more I have felt the need to "be quiet" and to serve. The Dwelling Place Monastery is a perfect home for me, as you will see by the schedule - AND - if you are aware of the schedules of other monasteries!
5:45am It's up and at it -- getting ready for Prayers.
6:30am Morning Prayer
7:00am Breakfast
Off to work with the poor for everyone -- down the mountain and out into the world. In my case, I work at the St. James Episcopal church office 4 hours a day, 4 days a week. On the 5th day, I work on the community web site, in the library, take photographs, run errands, and at the Floyd County Animal Shelter.
5:45pm Evening Prayer
6:15pm Supper
9:00pm Compline - silence until morning.
This is Monday through Friday. On Saturday, we continue to work. There are 24 acres to care for, and many buildings that must be kept clean and in repair. We usually work some or most of the day on Saturday with whatever needs to be done on the monastery property. On Sunday, I attend church services, and then - have the rest of the day off.
Inbetween those hours during the week, we share our day's journey with each other, we take walks, we have private prayer. We read, we sew, we knit. We garden, we sit! We almost always have a retreatant, and this means that Christ is at the door! And that means there is someone who needs to be watched over. Everyone who comes to our door is to be served as Christ. And so, although we might come home from work, there is still work to be done.
I am now on the official chore and work list! I think this is a good sign, my dear friends! Figure if I wasn't working out here, they wouldn't bother to make out a list and put my name down. I now cook on Tuesdays (if anyone has any good and SIMPLE vegetarian dishes, please contact me!) for anywhere from 10-15 people, and do dishes on Thursday and and Friday nights. I tend the flower garden at St. Joseph's. How kind of them to assign this plot to me, knowing that my back can not take a lot of bending; it is a very small area. I must also keep St. Joseph's House clean and neat for retreatants. Since this place has a special place in my heart (the first place I stayed as a retreatant four years ago) it is an honor to keep it nice and as pleasant for others that are visiting. I also live there!
And then - very close to my heart is my new OFFICIAL POSITION -- Animal Behavior Specialist! What a title! The Prioress came up with that one. Yes, I am in charge of training the dogs to a few new habits around the monastery. There are three of them, all three are different in personality and needs. I love them. It makes my job very easy. It makes this job pure joy.
And so, there's the nuts and bolts. Of course, there is a lot more. The prayers mean we read the psalms through every 5 weeks. We keep the Daily Office. It has become my anchor. My day would not be complete without coming together to pray.
So, I will start with the basics -- like the schedule. I am one to seek the life of a religious, however, I am NOT a person who would fit behind walls and a lifetime of silence. The closer I've come to God, the more I have felt the need to "be quiet" and to serve. The Dwelling Place Monastery is a perfect home for me, as you will see by the schedule - AND - if you are aware of the schedules of other monasteries!
5:45am It's up and at it -- getting ready for Prayers.
6:30am Morning Prayer
7:00am Breakfast
Off to work with the poor for everyone -- down the mountain and out into the world. In my case, I work at the St. James Episcopal church office 4 hours a day, 4 days a week. On the 5th day, I work on the community web site, in the library, take photographs, run errands, and at the Floyd County Animal Shelter.
5:45pm Evening Prayer
6:15pm Supper
9:00pm Compline - silence until morning.
This is Monday through Friday. On Saturday, we continue to work. There are 24 acres to care for, and many buildings that must be kept clean and in repair. We usually work some or most of the day on Saturday with whatever needs to be done on the monastery property. On Sunday, I attend church services, and then - have the rest of the day off.
Inbetween those hours during the week, we share our day's journey with each other, we take walks, we have private prayer. We read, we sew, we knit. We garden, we sit! We almost always have a retreatant, and this means that Christ is at the door! And that means there is someone who needs to be watched over. Everyone who comes to our door is to be served as Christ. And so, although we might come home from work, there is still work to be done.
I am now on the official chore and work list! I think this is a good sign, my dear friends! Figure if I wasn't working out here, they wouldn't bother to make out a list and put my name down. I now cook on Tuesdays (if anyone has any good and SIMPLE vegetarian dishes, please contact me!) for anywhere from 10-15 people, and do dishes on Thursday and and Friday nights. I tend the flower garden at St. Joseph's. How kind of them to assign this plot to me, knowing that my back can not take a lot of bending; it is a very small area. I must also keep St. Joseph's House clean and neat for retreatants. Since this place has a special place in my heart (the first place I stayed as a retreatant four years ago) it is an honor to keep it nice and as pleasant for others that are visiting. I also live there!
And then - very close to my heart is my new OFFICIAL POSITION -- Animal Behavior Specialist! What a title! The Prioress came up with that one. Yes, I am in charge of training the dogs to a few new habits around the monastery. There are three of them, all three are different in personality and needs. I love them. It makes my job very easy. It makes this job pure joy.
And so, there's the nuts and bolts. Of course, there is a lot more. The prayers mean we read the psalms through every 5 weeks. We keep the Daily Office. It has become my anchor. My day would not be complete without coming together to pray.
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