Oh! Holy Mountain

I'm still not writing about what it is like to be on that mountain, am I? What it is like to being a Nun wannabe... and what the process is like.
I guess there are so many subtleties that it makes it trickier than one would think to "describe" it. Try describing "my church" to someone and see how far you get! LOL... well, I am going to give it a try and see how rambling and vague I become!
I am not filing for postulancy, now.... I will in the future, and although I've been given the paperwork to fill out, there is now a drawback. I'm going to have major surgery and the bottom line is that I have to recover enough to care for myself before the Community can even consider me as a candidate. This has been hard on me in some ways, since as a dreamer, I would have liked for them to say "HEY, we LOVE you! Sign up and we will pray for you to get better and wait for your return from rehab to welcome you home." As it turns out, they will pray and wait, but not for a postulant... just a wannabe.
The reasons are obvious - the Community can not accept me until I demonstrate that I am physically able to be an active member of that Community; like any other. And right now, all energy is going to support Sr. Carolyn and ourselves as we all walk this journey of cancer with her.
Doesn't mean that I am not disappointed and a little scared that I won't be able to cut it.
My prayer life has become the backbone of my life. The chanting, the prayers, the Compline before bed each night. It is as if (and surely it does) replenish my energy. I will miss that while I am gone. I don't know when the surgery will be, but that's what I mean when I say I will be gone. OH! Holy Mountain, I have come to need your healing grace.
Not that everyone here is ready for Sainthood. LOL - there is one that has not agreed with a single idea I've had since I arrived. She is nice enough, but its like no one can have an idea without her taking exception to it. Although I could well be taking THAT too far.... it could be that we are on different poles and she only disagrees with MY ideas.
The latest has been over mice - and getting rid of them from St. Joseph's House (where I live). As dreaded, when cold weather came, so did the mice. I've gotten hold of some humane traps, and until last night, they were too smart for them! They figured out a way to eat the cheese and not be trapped, or at least they were escaping the trap. The sentiment was that I HAD to stop feeding those mice and there was a better way to get rid of them. I flatly informed everyone that I was NOT going to snap a mouse's neck because she/he sought refuge from the cold. I can not IMAGINE what that would be like! And I dont want to see it so that I had a mental picture of it! I plan to track down some larger and more sophisticated traps. One stupid mouse didn't make it out last night, but that's not a good record! I know they are pricey, those larger ones - but at this point, I have to cough it up or there will be snapped mouse necks!
And so, don't think for a minute that all is light and roses and prayers and angels on the Mountain. Someone told me that a religious goes into the monastery with their personality and there they keep it (have I mentioned that before?). I'd like to think that was a general generalization since I have already seen a great change in one of the Novices just since I've been here. And, I pray that I will change in any way that will serve others and myself to the best in this world.
But, first I have to leave this Holy Mountain - have surgery - get better - and return.

Holidays & Holy Days

As usual, a lot has been going on. Looks like I had to head to a monastery to find my days so full. AND, I've put more miles on my car than in its 9 year life with me! Go figure! But, it's all "good work" to me, and I have never felt more satifisfed with my life than at this moment.
Saturday, we had the Greening of the Chapel. We spent the day collecting ivy, holly, and greens from the property. Some made wreaths while others snipped the holly leaves from bushes. Others cleaned which I thought was rather amusing since I knew what would happen as soon as the service started! And what a special service it was! Someone read a meditation, then we would begin to sing (I played the organ!) as people began to hang the branch cuttings from light fixtures - then another meditation, singing as we hung the wreaths all around the 8-sided chapel. The last is the most dramatic -- another meditation, then singing as people went to the open second floor and began to drop the ivy over the side.
TRANSFORMED! The Chapel is beautiful, and smells beautiful, too. It is officially Advent. Our chants are in candlelight....
We drew names and our stockings are hung with care... in the causeway from the main building to the Chapel. I check mine each day to see if my Secret Santa has dropped a surprise in there! I am very lucky - whoever it is KNOWS me. Oh yes, it is usually purple! Each evening before we eat, a meditation is read, and we stand for a few minutes to consider it. Yesterday, it was about the 4 Nuns that were raped, tortured, and then murdered 30 years ago in El Salvador. One of them was just 2 weeks younger than me.
Thankfulness - mainly, this is a season to be thankful... for me, anyway. I am surrounded by prayer, love and support - laughter, jokes and teasing.
Not to say I've found heaven on earth. Someone told me that religious enter a monastery with their personality, and they keep that personality. This is obvious in a few cases!! However, I don't buy that fully, as some have changed with love and encouragement just since I've been here. I pray that my heart will also learn to open as wide as it can - in order to be who I was meant to be on this earth. This is the goal that brought me to the mountain, and one I reach out for every single day.
I am the lucky one. I wonder how many try to be all they can be - and are beat down by the "season of Joy," media, those personalities that seem not to be able to take a breath without something demeaning passing their lips. And don't you just love it when they then turn and tell you how they live lives that are far reaching? We all know that deep down they are in such pain.
I haven't mentioned Jesus Christ once! Amazing, isn't it? Bet you thought this entry would be full of "the baby Jesus is about to be born." Well, we all know that, and like you - I wait for that blessed moment of celebration. However, I try very hard to remember that Jesus is my living example every day of the year. I grew so weary of going through the motions of being a Christian, and decided to walk it. Holidays and Holy Days are nice - but I really don't think Jesus had that in mind when he was living. These are human constucts that at one time, and in some other places, were meant to bring us closer to God and to the man who lived a life of example. He was a religious - and lived to be what he was meant to be.
My prayer for all of you is that you will spend this Holiday/Holy Days thinking about what it would take for you to set yourself free. What a gift under the tree that would be.