Life of a Postulant

Not that MY life as a postulant is typical... however, from what I've heard, it could come very close.
As a Protestant, I know that others may not have a clue what it is like to be in a monastery. Try reading some of early Thomas Merton! Now... that might help to clear up a few things that I am trying to explain, here! No, of course -- not that all wise and holy stuff! I have a LONG way before getting there! But, the times when he writes of the difficulty in monastery life. It is NOT easy! At least where I live, we are not a silent Order, and therefore there is not as much passive-aggressive behavior going on! Imagine being really ticked off at someone and you can't even SAY anything!
For those of you that have lived in a large family, you might have a closer idea. All is NOT roses and light. Good thing I did not enter into the monastery believing it would be! In my monastery, there are nine of us. That makes 9 different personalities to handle and respect. Turns out, some are a wee bit easier to handle and respect than others! And, of course, how normal is that? As I am learning in my postulant class, it is truly HOW we come to deal with each, learn to deeply love and respect each other no matter how wounded we may be, determines how successful we are in our spiritual life. The monastery is NOT a place where you hide and pray all day. On the contrary, it is a place where you know you are never REALLY alone, because even in your private room, there is someone right on the other side of the wall.
And so, some days are easier than others. All days are worth it, let me tell you that straight up. Every one is SUPPOSED to have the same goal; to love and respect each other. That means, even when someone gives you a big kick in the self esteem, they hopefully will see that behavior (if not today, then in time) and grow from that, as well. In the kicked, it is a matter of seeing the other person as wounded and reaching out to understand them. Have you ever had your self esteem pummeled and then looked at that person as wounded; in need of understanding?
You may be getting my drift..... life in a monastery is not easy. It is not an escape from the world. It IS a place where the environment is looking toward love and understanding as best as each can muster. It is a place where God is the center. It is a place where personal spiritual growth is encouraged. We are NOT meant to become the same person. Thank goodness for that! It wouldnt work, anyway! Because God has made us differently; we would playing God to attempt to seek the person we expected us to be, rather than the person God made with love.
But - who is that? It is during the time of postulancy that I get to ponder that like never before. It will be a search that will never end. It is a journey that I embrace and, at times, wish I wasn't intent on embracing!